015 - Why is October-November Problem Time For Me?
Last year, my family had a downward spiral of problems. My grandfather slowly and painfully died from dementia and possibly Covid. My mom and I both got Covid. Even while triple-vaxxed, it was absolutely horrible. I coughed so hard, I peed. The cough lasted till January even after treating the virus. So, don’t fucking tell me that Covid is just the flu. We had family members who, in their prime stupidity, refused to get vaccinated. And my parents try not to cause derision by calling them out but I’m fresh out of fucks for conspiratorial nonsense.
This year, it’s only days until the 2024 election and I’ve had debilitating cramps in my leg and lower abdomen and hip. Also, I got my fourth Covid jab and the aftermath symptoms were worse than the first three. My period is due to start this week and I’m wondering if I popped an ovarian cyst. Not sure why my leg would get a cramp, maybe I’m low on potassium. I’ve felt like total dogshit today with aches and chills. I’m not doing very well in my classes and the uncertain future has my anxiety skyrocketing. I’m honestly not sure what I would do if Trump wins again. People have said they plan to off themselves if Project 2025 becomes reality. White, cishet Trump supporters think they’ll be protected, forgetting that Aryan citizens during the Nazi Regime had swords above their heads if they step out of line, develop a disability, or are found to have Jewish ancestry.
Trump has claimed that he wants generals like Hitler’s. You know, the generals that tried often to assassinate Hitler. Their rhetoric is getting more and more vile, even Trump trying to distance himself from a speaker at one of his rallies for going mask off and calling Puerto Rico a “floating island of trash” along with more extremely tasteless jokes. I really don’t want to feel like I’m repeating history. I don’t want to be handwriting a diary a year from now hiding in someone’s basement. I am not brave like Anne Frank.
I keep getting “fuck you” emails about jobs I’ve applied to. It is extremely demoralizing to be rejected for entry-level jobs. My Vocal account has reached its highest amount of views at 111, so that’s something. It’s still only a little bit of money.
Now, I’m all sweaty. Make up your mind, body, are you cold or hot?!
My brain is potato salad. Signing off.